Are twin flames trauma bonds ?
It’s easy to want to label this situation as that because it looks as if one person is more abusive than the other.
It looks as if the runner is abusive and the chaser is stuck in this bond of wanting to please “or else”.
It’s equally easy to want to label this a NPD on the part of the runner and co-dependent, poor boundary setting chaser but that’s not what happens over time.
In a true trauma bond, the recipient of the trauma stays and becomes devalued.
Each situation is repeatedly more traumatizing and they end up “stuck” in this cycle of abuse, forgiving, being loved and then being abused again.
It is a situation of repeated loving attention for “correct behaviour” and then abuse for inappropriate.
It’s the opposite of unconditional love but in order to rise up from this and set our own boundaries as souls we have to break the pattern of acceptance.
I am unaware of anyone who is physically abused as a twin flame and I would think if they are it’s not a twin flame connection.
Our twins are not abusive by nature, they are triggering.
They agreed to do things to cause you to go within and heal whatever wound the action/behaviour created.
For some of us this may be feeling abandoned, or lacking in self worth.
Because we have unconditional love for our twin it seems to others that we are making excuses for their behaviour.
I have been in a situation where there was a trauma bond.
I remember the relationship well.
There was more and more control over time and we would get into fights when he thought I was cheating on him.
Funnily enough, he was cheating on me but I travelled a lot and he would make comments when I stayed overnight in another city that I was doing something wrong.
I began to take returning flights late at night to avoid a fight, then putting in 16 hour days.
He would say things like “if you didn’ t make me angry, I wouldn’t have said/done that”
I read somewhere that when you change your behaviour to accommodate someone’s anger you are in an abusive relationship.
Making you feel your treatment is as a result of your behaviour is the bond.
The abuser takes no accountability for their own actions.
The reality is, no one can “make you angry”.
You choose to react to the situation with anger, which is not an elevated approach to whatever it is that triggered you/your twin.
Twin flames love each other.
Their interaction is there purely for growth and evolution and not to abuse or harm someone else.
We would no longer accept the same treatment we did before once we have begun to heal ourselves but the actions are what caused the healing within.
“There is an intense connection due to the fact that there is a strong hormonal connection between the abuser and the victim. The feeling is that you need the other person in order to survive.”
As we evolve and grow we realize we don’t need our twin flame to complete us or to survive and we become one within ourselves.
The root of trauma bonds begins in childhood.
As we evolve we learn that this pattern needs to be broken.
Our twins are often also in a bond with their karmic as they associated love with abuse.
Twin flames are not trauma bonds but each set of twins will have unique interactions intended to break the perceived abuse.
It is rooted in love, not abuse.